Trying to find my place in this world

My Last Post

2010-03-19T14:37:00.000+08:00

This will be my last post on this blog. As I compare it with my previous blog, the differences are large. Secondary 1 life wasn't how I expected it to be. Now, I'm Secondary 2, and I think I should start all over. I'll be moving to another blog and you probably won't find me at all. I'll tell you the URL only if I wish to.
Goodbye, and hello to a new day.

2010-03-10T21:08:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh...Things seem to happen so suddenly. The day I came back from Malaysia was the day my hamster Angel died. I don't really want to say much, lest I evoke up too many memories and start chokind up right now. Especially not when my sister is grieving too. What can I say? Life and Death can happen just like that. I miss her. I really do.

2010-03-06T21:40:00.000+08:00

Had a bad day. I don't really know what to say, so maybe i'll just put a song here.

I guess God is really great. How he used Miriam to prevent Moses from being killed, how that boy with only five loaves and two fishes to feed the 5000. God can use us, it's only a matter of whether we're willing. If kids younger than us could be used to serve God at such a tender young age, what about teens like us?
We can't say there's nothing BIG enough for us to do because every little thing counts. Don't belittle actions like giving out tracts or just street evangelizing. Don't say, we can't get many Christians that way, people won't listen to us. Maybe people won't accept Christ just like that, but our aim is NOT to make people Christians with our own effort. It's to sow the seeds. God will do the rest.
Friends who stubbornly stick to their own beliefs? Don't ever say it's impossible to bring them to Christ. Keep praying, no matter WHAT. You have to KEEP TRYING.
So don't say God can't use you. He can, and he will.

2010-02-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really feel like laughing. At those dumb questions people ask. During a school survey, one question was ," How often do you ever feel 'drained' or 'exhausted'?"
I mean, look at the workload that school piles on us, they actually think we can cope? We go all over the place filming and interviewing hawkers, I'd rather take tests than do all that. It's just dumb and wastes time.
So do they still expect us to be not drained? We have tuition and other programmes as well.
When I saw that question, I just wanted to laugh. At their stupidity.

red

2010-02-22T22:21:00.001+08:00

Red. Red is the colour of many things. Hibiscus, my Home Economics file, certain metronomes and so much more. But today, I think the colour I had most encounters with was red.
Red was the colour of the blood that came rushing to my face when Amelia hit me on the cheek. Red was the colour of my eyes that were once brimming with tears, now all puffy and swollen. Red was the colour of my blood, angry that I wasn't treated with respect. Red was the colour of my nose, all exhausted from sniffing and crying. Red was the colour of the blood that was once running through my veins, flowing down my fingers.
Red, red, red. I don't really feel like saying much on my blog about today. But I think you'll would kind of get the picture.

2010-02-20T20:04:00.000+08:00

Had a really crazed day today. Ok, I went for dance practice in the morning. I'm currently involved with the Easter Musical Production as a background dancer. It's really great. I actually got to be part of the musical despite having not gone through the audition. I mean, looking back, I really thank God that I didn't pass the audition. If I did, I could have died of stress and overwork. And yet, God's grace is really great. He let me be part of this production as a dancer.
Anyways, today, me & Stella almost died. Because our partners came today(unfortunately for us). For those who don't understand, in a certain part of the dance, we have to do partner work and the guys have to lift the girls. So yeah. Stella's partner was Kenneth and when he lifted her, she was screaming. A bit funny, haha.
My partner is Lester. I was like kinda freaked when we were doing the lifts. I mean, who wouldn't be scared of falling? Then Steph & Jolene asked us to show them a couple of times cos we didn't do partner work the previous practice. Then he was complaining that we did like 2 or 3 times already.
After dance, rushed to meet Ame,Pam & Joce. We had to do like 2 projects in one day. After we did our Home Economics project, Umairah called to say that we couldn't go her house to do the English project. So in the end, I asked Rae for help. Thank goodness she was willing to help, love her SOOOOOOOOO much!!!!!!!!!
Then, we finally went our separate ways. I'm SOOOOOOOOOo drained now. Ok, well, have to complete homework now.

2010-02-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sad now. It's the last day of the public/school holidays!!!!!!!!
There's school tomorrow!!!! Yawnz.
Actually, not yawn, more like AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I've got SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many projects going on. School is practically draining us. We've got CCA, common tests, and they give us projects. What's worse is that those projects aren't the kinds you can do over the computer or discuss over MSN. You have to take lots of time to do video-ing at places outside school!!!!!!
They said that they've spread everything out so we won't be so stressed, but it seems worse than last year. I mean seriously!!!! And then I've got to think about CIP, O levels. I mean, at Sec1, we get stressed about O levels and JCs. Ok, maybe it's only me, but it's really horrible.
Maybe I should start considering IP program @ VJC. I can't take the stress anymore. If I went to VJC, then I could still take O levels, but without the stress from CIP, LEAP points, CCA commitments, Higher Mother Tongue. Then maybe life would be much better. But I don't know. Am I really willing to take that leap of faith, get to a new school, not knowing if it's gonna get any better? If I go, I won't have any assurance that life will get better. It may not get any better than how it is now. But what if it does and I lose that opportunity? What if I take that chance and it gets worse?
I'm just scared change. I'm too scared. I had a bad experience with change last year when I came to Cedar. I've adapted already, thank God. But I don't want it to be deja vu all over again.
I don't know, I guess I'll leave it all in God's hands.

2010-02-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

Ok, so it's the 2nd day of CNY. It was pretty normal. I went out with my family and grandpa in the morning for breakfast. and I watched Valentine's Day the movie. It's alright. I guess I'd rate it 3/5. Not THAT good cos you could kind of guess the ending when it hadn't happened yet.
Then, had to study. And now, I can proudly say I've finished my maths revision worksheet!!!!! Now I'm only left with 1 1/2 history essays.
Went to grandma's house for dinner and then I came back. Gonna be leading worship with Abby on Sunday. I don't really know what to do, a little nervous. I don't wanna screw anything up.

1st Day of CNY 2010

2010-02-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

It was the first day of CNY today. And Valentine's Day too. Ok, not the first day of Valentine's Day, but I meant it's CNY & V-Day today.
Went to my grandma's house in the morning. Got lots of ang bao!!!!!!!! And ate abalone mee sua!!!!!! :D:D
After lunch, went to my grandaunt's place. My baby cousin Ashley was there. She was SOOOOOOOOOO cute. But she kept crying. It was only like when we were gonna leave soon she suddenly went high, like sugar high. She was laughing away. Babies are cute, and weird all at the same time. Haha. Gonna see her tomorrow too, can't wait!!!!
In the afternoon, my cousins came over. It was kinda weird. We didn't really talk THAT much like last time and time seemed to pass so slowly. I don't know, but it seems like we're drifting away. I guess those games we played in the past and the fun we had suddenly became just a thing of the past. No longer how it is now.
I don't know, it's CNY and we should all be in a jovial mood. But things have changed. I guess I've said that line so many times. I just keep wallowing in the past. Maybe the past seems like the best days of my life. But what can I do? I can't stop the clock from ticking, and neither can I stop the sun from setting at the end of each and every day.

CNY Shopping with Ame

2010-02-06T22:56:00.001+08:00

Haven't been blogging for like, AGES!!!!!!!!! Miss it SOOOOOOOO much. I had SOOOOOOOOO mcuh fun today. In the morning, I had dance practice for the Easter Musical. It's was just great fun. There were lots of youth people there (other than the dancers which include me).
After that, went home, did homework and study.

~ ~ ~FAST FORWARD ~ ~ ~

In the evening, met Ame to do some CNY shopping!!!!!!! We went Subway for dinner 1st @ T1. Then we started shopping for clothes. During the 1st hour, we didn't buy a SINGLE THING!!!!!!!! My feet were just dead tired. Then we went to TM and I decided to buy this smock tube. It's white in colour and just so nice!!!!!!!
Then Ame saw something in Isetan she'd consider. Then we went Giordano. And she bought a red top. She told me that every CNY, somehow she'd always buy 1 red top, and the other top would be a different colour. Weird, but true.
Then we headed back to T1 we went to, to get a grey cardigan to go with my smock tube. That shop that sells the cardigans is just SOOOOOOOO nice. If you're looking for cardigans, go to Cotton Candy. Yes, Cotton Candy, not Cotton On. Cotton Candy has like so many different varieties of cardigans and so many nice colours, and the prices range from around 10 to 20 bucks!!!!!!!!!
Then Ame tried this navy blue & white hoodie at Hang Ten. Then she decided to go back and buy that top in Isetan. We had to walk ALL the way back there. My feet were like forming blisters(I should have known better than to wear my new flats).
After that, we could FINALLY call it a day.
Wait, then I had to try guide her to CK on the phone.
Ok, then the day finally ends. It was great, and the moral of the story? Never wear new shoes when shopping. Especially when you're not wearing socks with them.

2010-01-24T16:14:00.000+08:00

I really don't want to say this, but I can't keep bottling this inside me anymore. I seriously am giving up on this friendship already. Sometimes I feel like I'm really in that entire clique, but it turns out, like any kind of a play, I'm just an extra. When they start telling me about where they just went the last week, then they'll say,"Actually, we wanted to ask you, but then we thought it'd be too far for you." Then what do you expect me to say? "Oh, I don't mind." Yeah, as if that's the truth. Or how about, " Hey, wanna go shopping together?" Then 5 minutes later,"Sorry, shopping trip cancelled cos ______ is not going."
I'm sick of pretending that it's totally alright. I'm sick of being in friendship where I'm not considered in, I'm just considered an extra. If you say the friendship is between the 3 of us, well, I feel like the friendship is just between the two of you. Don't drag me in to make me feel horrible.
What happened the last time we got into a big quarrel? Oh yeah, you stole all my friends that I grew up with, leaving me all alone. And how did we get back together? I remember, I almost tried to _ _ _ _ myself before you went, "Sorry, ok? We'll be friends again."
This time, I'm not gonna be so emotionally desperate to start crying and trying to _ _ _ _ myself again. I'm not, cos I don't need your pity on me anymore. Stop the pretence of, "3 of us will me BFFs" cos well, I want out. I want out of this friendship totally.
TOTALLY.

2010-01-13T13:46:00.000+08:00

Haiz, second week of school has started. Time seems to pass so slowly in school. I'm gonna die soon if it's gonna be so dreary in school while weekends pass as quickly as bullet trains!
Anyways, since life seems to be getting boring, won't be blogging much for the time being. I'm currently more focused on my blogshop. Do visit if you can!!!!! http://www.sweethotcool.blogspot.com/

1st Week of School

2010-01-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

The first week of school has FINALLY passed. It was totally hectic!!!!!!!! And it's only the first week!!!!! Anyways, let me blog about the entire week.

DISCLAIMER:THIS POST IS EXPECTED TO BE VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY,VERY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG
POST.

Sunday
MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!Haha!!!! Went for regional cell, whatever that means. Played wacko. It was really crazy!!!!Haha. Actually, everytime you play wacko, wherever you are, it's always crazy.
After that, we split up into our cells. So Van, Claire, Sam, Xin Een & I went to POG. Ohohoh and David too. But he's the only guy,haha. Then we did brief introductions and I accidently told them it was my birthday today.(I should have shut my big fat mouth!!!) Cos they all started singing Happy Birthday. I was like quite embarrased cos these two guys called Elon and Jun Kiat were singing enthusiastically, like little kids. Which makes me wonder if they were mocking me.
Anyways, after cell, went for service. After service, went out to Mos Burger for lunch with Van, Claire, Sam, Cassia, Cheryl, Jess and Anne. It was a pity Charis couldn't come. We had a great time! Of course, I had to keep reminding them to keep the noise level down. I felt like a teacher but if they had talked really loudly, people would stare at us. And I'd feel even weirder.
After lunch, went to Coffee Bean. I seriously LOVE that place!!!!! We went outside to sit and then we bought drinks. Van & Claire surprised me with a cake that my mum told them to get!!!!! I was so surprised!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe my mum would do that. It was so sweet of her!!!OHOHOH!!!!The cake was durian flavour. My fave!!!!!!!!
Anyways, we play truth or dare and for one of my dares, I had to drink some vile concoction Van, Claire & Sam made up which consisted of water, syrup, cinnamon, chocolate powder, sugar, pepper and salt!!!!!!!!! It was really gross. So I was supposed to drink it while they sang happy birthday and they gave it a big finish but singing YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways, went to my grandma's place after that. Had crabs for dinner!!!!!!!!Yum yum!!!!!

Monday
Went back to school. But I can't exactly say back cos we went to the old campus. Which was newly built. So do I say Old Cedar or new Cedar?
Anyways, I met a couple of my teachers. My form teacher is Ms Yvette Chua!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was my Home Econs teacher last year and she'll still be this year. Yayy!!!!!!! I didn't pass the HCL test. But I'm fine with it :D :D!!!!! So I had History lesson, English lesson and Science. My teachers for those subjects are Mr Chai, Ms Fernandez & Mr Leng respectively.
Went for band, so yeah. It was a little boring.
OHOHOH!!!!!I forgot to mention that we have a new classmate, Melissa from Malaysia. She's really nice and we sit together with Priya as well.

Tuesday
2nd day of school. Met my maths teacher, Mr Aiman*screams in horror*!!!!According to my friends who were from his class in Sec One, he's REALLY fierce and creepy. But he's actually ok, as long as you don't make him angry, I think. But I'm SOOOOOOOOO not gonna try. Had my first ever Chinese class. But Zheng Lao Shi (the CL teacher) is a bit naggy so we haven't really started on the lessons yet. And I got appointed(or should I say sabo-ed) as the Chinese rep for my class' for CL lessons. Had literature and watched a creepy video. Ok, I wouldn't say creepy as in horror movie kinda thing, but hm.....yeah, gory!!!!No, not bloody and gory but...ok, let's just say I got shocked out of my own skin due to trauma of something non-horror. Oh and my Lit. teacher Mr Frith is super nice!!!!!
Had music. We're learning classical guitar this year!!!!!Yayy!!!!
After school, went out with Ame, Pam & Joce for lunch at some cheap Jap food place. I had tempura ramen and what can I say? It was ROCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!! Although I can't say the same for Pam, Ame & Joce's soba which according to them "tastes horrible".
But we had fun though, hangin out together. We're gonna do this on each of our birthdays!!!!

Wednesday-Friday
School on Wednesday was quite boring. During band however, we watched "The Sound of Music". But we didn't finish it due to the lack of time. :'(
School was quite boring on Thursday too. But during band, they introduced this new game we were gonna use to band called "Angels and Mortals". Yeah, so that's about it.
Had assembly today. So yeah. School was quite boring. Oh , and I had piano lesson. I didn't really practice much during holidays so I think I might have raised my piano teacher's blood pressure?

2009, my 13th year

2010-01-02T20:30:00.002+08:00

\Today is the last day of my thirteenth year of my life. Yes, I'm turning 14 tomorrow!!!!!!! Quite unbelievable. 2009 has just passed in a flash. Today, I shall blog about the entire 13th year of my life.
I've ALWAYS wanted to turn 13 & go to secondary school. It was my dream since I was what, 11?So when my wish came true, I was elated. But it turned out to be much more than what I expected. At some point of the journey, it felt too much for me to handle.
I went into Cedar, ready to start afresh. Study harder, and all that. But I guess cos of my PSLE score, I took things a little too much for granted. I couldn't adapt to having band 3 days a week and such long hours. I became a loner and I cried myself to sleep almost every night cos I couldn't find friends.
Obviously, I've adapted to having a smaller circle of friends and I've got good friends like Pam, Joce & Ame. Thank goodness for them. They're GREAT friends. I couldn't get used to the heavy workload but it's alright now.
I grew closer with my BFFs and made even MORE BFFs in church like Cassia?Bonded with more people like Charis & Sam & I knew more "older people"(CMs). Haha.
Nevertheless, 2009 was the year that I cried out of sadness the most, drew closer to God, and done so much things that I've never done before. It was great and I loved it.

This year, I'm gonna start afresh. I'll try to be better, not commit the same mistakes, be a better sister, draw closer to God and fully adapt to school life and stop complaining about the long hours of my CCA. I'll try and be a junior leader if possible or maybe a PSL. I'm gonna try more things that I've never done. This year is gonna be different. Although I probably won't get used to saying, "I'm fourteen," so soon, I'll learn to love it, I guess.

2009-12-31T14:44:00.000+08:00

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AS OF TODAY, MY BLOGSHOP HAS MOVED!!!!!!!!! It is now located at http://www.sweethotcool.blogspot.com/!!!!! Do go there!!!!! I have added new stuff on!!!!:D:D:D

2009-12-24T18:06:00.000+08:00

I'm emo-ing now. I don't even know why. Ok, maybe I do. Everyone's leaving TWISTERS. No, more like, TWISTERS is closing, ending, whatever you call it. We're all splitting cells and we won't be together anymore. We probably won't sing the fruit song with Claire(Carter), Esther, Cassia and the others. I won't be laughing at Cheryl's crazy antics anymore. I won't be hearing Charis singing & playing the guitar anymore. I won't be able to get sick and tired of the way Liz asks if her hair is ok, blah blah.Amanda won't be our CM anymore and I don't think I'll hear her rambling away about stuff she bought.
I don't wanna split up. I mean, POG seems like a GREAT cell, but it's not TWISTERS. And that's why I don't wanna split cells. But we aren't meeting up as TWISTERS until the chalet, which I'm not going for. Why do good things have to end so soon? It's just like graduation, but it seems worse.
And now, Ame's pissing me off.(No offence, but I really am getting pissed.)She's talking about homework. School's gonna start so soon. I wish it was Gongshang, not Cedar. I miss Gongshang, and our class hasn't had any gatherings for quite a while. That chalet Mr Zul said he was gonna book? He went overseas so nothing has happened so far. If our class has had this little gatherings this year, what about the next and the next? We're gonna have more and more exams, lesser and lesser time. I went Pearl's house maybe a month or two ago, but it wasn't like the past. It was different. We had like little to talk about, and I kinda got bored.

Friends come and go
It doesn't matter if you let go
Cos everything will come to an end
Some are going to
Some are already ending
Some have already ended

Dreams

2009-12-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

Dreams. Everyone has dreams they want to accomplish. If they don't want to accomplish these "dreams", obviously, they are wishes, not dreams. A dream is something that one will work hard for, what one will strive to achieve. I have dreams, I want to accomplish these dreams, but I can't. I'm not even given the chance to fufil my dream.
I want to join CAMY. I've ALWAYS wanted to join CAMY. But, I'm not even given the chance to go to the auditions. Why? My parents, one of the biggest obstacles in life one will always have. I'm gonna be in the Dance ministry next year. And thus, they think I won't be able to cope. Cope? That's one of the things I've been doing my entire life. I've been coping with secondary school life, my blogshop, CCA and lots more stuff. Can't they see that I love to sing and dance? They've only known that I've love to dance since I was what, 5? They probably didn't know I loved to sing till I got through the auditions for Children's Choir.
And now? They don't let me join CAMY. I wanna be a vocalist in CAMY. I want to sing. I want to sing for God. They say they want me to have my own say in making my decision. But they keep asking, are you sure? Can you cope? It doesn't take a fool to know who's making the final decision here.
And one of their tools they use to prevent us from joining anything, is friends. "Is Elizabeth gonna be going for the auditions?"(Liz is gonna be in dance as well next year). She's not going cos she's not interested, but I'M interested. yes, Liz is my friend, but is there some unwritten law that when your friend joins the same activity as you, you follow them and you can't have anything extra?
Each of us are ourselves. NO ONE is 100% like us. We have differences and similarities. It's not my fault that I love both singing and dancing right? I can't help it. It's like in my blood(although surprisingly, none of the older generations love it as much as me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm adopted.).
But do they have to crash my dreams? Do they have to object me going for just the audition before really making a decision?Do they have to do all that? Why can't I have my dreams fufilled for once, be able to have my say, to be able to make decisions without having them to intervene?

2009-12-18T16:52:00.000+08:00

Went for Rhema these past few days. What can I say? It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! Liz brought 2 of her friends, Julia & Jo-anne for the ENTIRE thing and they were SOOOOOOOO nice!!!! Let me blog about EVERY detail!!!!

Day 1
Deborah's dad brought us to Rhema. We reached there like extremely early so I just stoned. Cheryl, Heather, Anne, Jess & the others FINALLY came. So yeah, we had service in the morning. Our guest speaker this year was Pastor Brian. Oh oh!!!!! Our emcees this year were Abby & Victoria. They were SOOOOOOOO cute as emcees!!!Haha.
After morning service, went for the worshop: sing a New Song Unto the Lord. It was led by Bro. Leon

LUNCH!!!!!! The Ong sibling performed: Esna, Jonjoe & Jondave. Had lunch with friends & ate ice-cream!!!!!

RHEMA RUSH!!!! It was hosted my Amanda(CM) & Shavinn.I met Bethany. All our groups were combined and we played in the Sanctuary. So basically in that game, we were supposed to grab objects from other groups and keep our own within our "square". In the 1st round, we lost and thus, we had to send 3 people to the "Torture Chamber". And I went up cos no other girls were willing. It was just HORRIBLE!!!! I mean seriously, the "tormentors" treated us like we were in NS. We had to do push-ups, crunches, bend our knees 45 degrees and lots more horrible stuff. I almost fainted. No kidding.

After LOTS of torment, that Shavinn guy just asked me to join some random group. It was better than staying there to be tortured right? So I went. Sam & Esther were in that group. Talked about. Then, Shavinn introduced this group called All Star 17 or something like that. Basically, everyone in that group was 17 years old. We were supposed to beat them, or else EVERYONE, excluding the All Star team of course, will be forfeited.

Finally the game ended. Moral of the Story(i mean game) was that All Star 17 was basically like the "devil" and we were the "Christians". And although Christians were supposed to work together to beat the Devil, in the game, we still fought among ourselves. So yeah.

DINNER!!!!! Had a quick dinner and had to change cos the Twisters were gonna sing for worship as a choir!!!!!

NIGHT RALLY!!! We sang as a choir and it was just ROCKING AWESOME!!!!!! After the entire service, went home with Sam & Deborah.

Day 2

Went to church with Deb again. I met Cheryl & the gang outside the Sanctuary. We had SOOOOOOO much fun just hanging out. Then, the doors opened and we went in. Worship was GREAT!!!! Pastor Brian preached. Abby & Vic, the emcees, made this video about WARFARE!!!!!!It was tha day's theme. It was really funny cos they were exploring this fake gun(but in the video they pretended it was real) and when Victoria pressed the trigger suddenly you see this girl just fall down(basically indicating that she was shot). We just laughed out heads off. Haha.

Workshop was conducted by Pastor Kwang Meng and it was about living in the last days. Actually, I wasn't really paying attention(naughty girl)!!!!

LUNCH!!!!The Twisters band(Chairs, Sam, Elijah, David & Elvin) were gonna perform.WHOO!!!!!!!!!! Went down to the lunch area quickly. Guess what? Charis had a bit of a sore throat and so she wanted Cassia to sing with her. But then, Cassia was unwilling and when she saw me, well, she made me do it. Well, I admit, I DID want to sing haha. So they performed the first 2 songs, Try & Freedom is here. And then, they had to perform You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. And at that time, suddenly I didn't wanna do it cos I momentarily forgot part of the song lyrics. But Charis just said she'd help me cover if I screwed up or anything. So I went. When I saw the crowd, my legs felt like jelly. It was TOTALLY different from dancing or singing in choir. I guess it was cos I was like standing alone, with only Charis like 5 metres away. Everyone was like cheering but I screwed up like maybe 50% of the song? But Charis was there to cover, as she said she would. It was a good experience but I could have done better.

After that, had another workshop. Demonised or Depressed and it was led by Pastor Cui Xian. We learnt the difference between depression, demonisation and what "opens up the doors" to demonisation. But I also learnt that Christians will not be demonised cos God is there to protect us. AMEN!!!!!

RHEMA RUSH!!!!!!! Played the Dota game. But according to my friends, that game was NOTHING like Dota. We had to make bombs(wet tissue mesh) and throw at our opponents and their "frozen throne". Our 1st strategy was to hit them and when they go back to get their bombs, we shoot the throne. But it didn't work. So our plan became shoot the throne.

Had dinner & went for service. Service was just GREAT!!!!!!! It ended later than usual cos there was this drama. And Alex cried!!!! I mean as in he was acting. But it was so funny. Haha!!!

Day 3

Went to church with Deb again. No one was there yet so I was pretty much bored. Cassia & Airam FINALLY came. Then we went for service again. Pastor Brian gave his last sermon for Rhema.

Workshop. I went for an Ethics workshop about homosexuality. Then, lunch, blah blah.

Had another workshop and then, RHEMA RUSH!!!!!!!!!! We played Amazing Race. Our group, Adiakopos, consisted of Raylynn, Sini, Alvin, Yuhern, Nicholas and this guy that I forgot the name of. We went all around the church. Our first station was at the carpark and it was FREAKY!!!!!!The girls had to pick one marble and one "surprise". The guys had to pick 2 marble. Basically, in that container for the guys, was some gooey stuff and the marbles in the gooey stuff. For us girls, the container was filled with sand, marbles and MEALWORMS!!!!!!!!!!!!! The moment I saw all those worms crawling in the sand, I fell into shock. Then I screamed. I fell into shock. And I screamed again!!!!! Then Cornelius,the game marshall, said," Ok, you hold one worm for 5 seconds and you DON'T SCREAM." So I did it. After that, instead of putting the worm on Cornelius' hand as I was supposed to, I just dropped it and ran.

After that, went to MacDonalds cos that's where one of the stations were. 2 of the group members had to clear trays. The rest of us had to decorate a saucer.

Then, we went back to church for the HAUNTED HOUSE!!!!! But Yuhern let another group go first cos they went to lesser stations than us. And when we were finally let in, time's up, so we had to assemble. But they left the Haunted House open so during dinner, we went as a group. It was just FREAKY!!!!!! Screams, screams and screams. It was just FREAKY!!!!!Oh, I said that already.

Then, it was the LAST service in Rhema!!!!It was so sad and there were so many hugs. Yeah, can't wait for next year's Rhema. It was great this year and I'm sure it'll be better next year!!!!

2009-12-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

I went for CIP today with Nithya & Rachel at the childcare. The kids there are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute!!!! There's Xiu Ting & Xiu Zhen, the 2 sisters that look SOOOOOOOOO alike!!1(not twins) And both of them eat so slowly. Haha.
There's Hanis and Hariz, the brother & sister that always cry!!!! Yi Xuan, Joyce that are just SOOO cute!!! Tommy, the one that always "clings" to Rachel. Haha. Ikzat & Ignatio, the 2 SUPER cute brothers. Iffa Nabilah, the youngest one that always cries when separated from her mum.
I love these kids SOOOOOOOO much!!!
Today, Nithya was taking pictures for her ILead project. I'll get 1 point!!!Haha. Next year, I'll plan MY ILead project. Haha.
Anywayz, I've got LOTS to do, see ya!!!

2009-12-08T18:06:00.000+08:00

Life is GREAT!!!! To everyone but me. Recently, I went for an audition for my church's Easter Musical. I think I'd have blogged about it MILLIONS of times. Yeah, I've got the results. And from what you're reading, you've probably guessed that I didn't get through. Well, you're SOOOOOOO right. I didn't get through. Even though I practiced my song millions of times and tried my best not to screw up during the acting auditions, well, I'm OUT!!!
I should have known from the start of the email when they started talking about how "it takes courage...blah blah blah blah" that I was out. Instead I had to read on to "we regret to inform you that your audition was unsuccessful".
Why did I have to get my hopes high? WHY?!!!And now they've just come crashing down on me. I really should stop believing in myself. I should have a long long time ago. When I already failed my first test, I should have stopped believing.

At the Hotel

2009-11-29T10:02:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone!!! At the hotel now. And we're moving out to another one tonight. It's quite tedious. We're currently at Taizhong now. Gonna move soon.
Anywayz, gonna go to amusement park. See ya soon!!!

2009-11-28T09:56:00.000+08:00

Hey all!!!! DLY here!!!! I'm not in Taiwan. But I'm at Terminal 3's McDonalds!!! They have free internet access so be sure to use it when you go there.
Anywayz, I can't wait!!!! I'm gonna board the plane at 12 and I'll reach Taiwan about 4 hours after that. Can't wait!!!!!
I'm not sure whether there's free internet EVERYWHERE in Taiwan so I'll just try to blog whenever I can ok?
I'll uploads pics once I come back.

See ya,
Dee Elle Why

2009-11-27T13:44:00.002+08:00

Going Taiwan TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!
Sms me or tag in my CBox if you want me to buy stuff for you. And please tell me WHAT you want and don't leave me to guess.
Yeah, ok...
BYEBYE!!!!!!!

PSLE Results

2009-11-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

PSLE results were out...TODAY!!!!!!!
Gongshang has DEFINITELY broken it's records!!!!!For once, we've got not one, but TWO top students in Singapore that got at least 280!!!!! In the past, we never hit the 280 mark!!!! And now we have like, NATIONAL TOPS in our school!!!! I CAN'T believe it!!!! That's the GREATEST news I've ever heard. Even though I've left GSPS, I'm still a Gongshanger at heart!!!! Haha.Sounds a bit cliche, but it's 100% true!!!

2009-11-25T18:25:00.001+08:00

I'm REALLY emotional now. I feel angry, disappointed, frustrated and exhausted with one person. Myself.
I'm really dispoointed with my results I got for the end of year exams. I mean, I was the top of my class in P6. And now, I'm the 27th. Everyone's been saying, "Aiyah, It's a good school, obviously your marks will drop." If it's a good school. I should have worked harder. I should have gotten better marks. But I didn't. I said I'd work harder, but I didn't. I broke my own promise to myself and I feel REALLY, REALLY guilty.
Frustration. It's like no matter how hard I try to do stuff, no matter how many deadlines I set, I ALWAYS fail. I always try to finish my homework on time but I end up burning midnight oil, doing homework in school in the next morning. I feel strained. I can't cope with piano, band AND homework at the same time. All in one day!!!
I'm exhausted with all the pressure. All the stress. I feel like I've failed as an older sister. Sometimes I try to be patient with my sisters but I always end up getting angry with them, getting them angry with me. It's so hard to keep trying. I really hate having to cope with all these never-ending problems.
I'm angry at how I always screw up at stuff. And the thing is, I have a CHOICE in the whole screwing up thing. Like the other time I played for worship. Actually Van kinda pushed me into it, but I could say no. Instead, I decided to be a smart-aleck. I actually thought I COULD play for cell worship. Who am I kidding? I was totally horrible. I didn't know ANYTHING about inversions and the rhythms and basically, no one on this earth could actually play worse than me. Cassia, Alvin, Sam...all of them play MUCH better than me. I'm just some idiot who comes along and thinks she can play(yeah, I actually THINK) and plays and totally stinks at it.

I can't take it anymore.

The stress, the pressure

Who am I kidding?

I'll never succeed no matter how hard I try

I should stop thinking

Stop thinking that I'll ever succeed in ANYTHING

Wasted my time on useless things that I thought was USEFUL

And neglected the other more important things I should have done

Like spending time with her

But she's gone, just like all the precious time I squandered

2009-11-24T13:39:00.000+08:00

Feeling MUCH better now, thanks to all my concerned friends!:D
Well, hopefully I can pick Han up today. Miss her LOADS!!!!!
Nothing much to blog about now, so yeah.

2009-11-23T14:56:00.000+08:00

I'm sick!!!! Of all days and all times to be!!!!I have a party to attend today and Pearl invited me to her house anytime this week to eat chocolate fondue!!!!!!!
I went for band in the morning. On the way there, I was already feeling unwell. Anywayz, we went back to Old Cedar. Goodbye to the holding site!!!!
The new site was quite nice but I'll talk about it in the near future. Anywayz, at the band room I felt REALLY naseous and my stomach was hurting really badly. My friends in Percussion were all," You ok?Wanna go home?" That kinda thing. So yeah, I called my dad and he brought me to the doctor.
I was given some medicine and I'm gonna have to drink this diarrhoea medicine which, according to Lim Wen "tastes horrible"!!!!I haven't taken it yet but I have to.

Wish me luck,
DanelleLY

Easter Musical Auditions

2009-11-22T22:37:00.001+08:00

I went for auditions for my church's Easter musical. It was fun!!! Haha. Ok, basically, I had to go for the singing audition with Sheryl, this new girl I met at the auditions. And Sis Freda was like the "judge"!!!!! Sis Freda's the choir conductor and I was in children's choir last year, you see. So yeah, auditions for singing were over, we went back to the "holding room". Then we had to get our pictures taken. I don't know why but I think it's cos they need to like match our faces to us. After that, waited for the first group of people who went for the acting auditions to finish. Then we went in.
We did a brief introduction of ourselves. Then we started reading from a script. The script was split into two. So Sheryl and I and Victor(aka, the director of musical, along with Natalie) started reading. Sheryl took the role of "Eva", Victor took the role of "Man" and I took the role of "Charlie".
Well, time flew REALLY quickly and the auditions ended. They'll contact us soon and I REALLY REALLY hope I get through this!!!!

5 MORE DAYS TO TAIWAN!!!!!!!!!

1st CIP at NLB

2009-11-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

Today was the day I did my first "act of service" for the NLB.Lol. Haha. So yeah, got 3 hours of CIP clocked in!!!!
I'm too tired to blog about it in every single detail, so yeah. Just wanted to say, new earring designs are out!!! http://www.sugarspiceandchilli.blogspot.com/

2009-11-18T16:19:00.001+08:00

2009-11-18T16:13:00.001+08:00

WILD GOOSE CHASE FOR ... ... ... A BOX OF CREAM CHEESE

2009-11-18T12:14:00.000+08:00

Yup, the title says it all. I actually ran around practically the entire neighbourhood looking for...a box of cream cheese. I'm baking cheese cake today, you see. In total, I ran to 2 supermarkets, 2 minimarts and 2 different 7-Elevens. Crazy right? Well, really tired now. Can't wait to start baking!!!!!!!

15.11.09

2009-11-16T21:13:00.000+08:00

I SERIOUSLY lived up every minute of 15/11/09. And I MEAN every minute. Ok, it was a typical Sunday morning as usual. Went out for breakfast, then went to church. However, I couldn't stay with my kids for long cos I had to play for cell worship. Let's just cut the long story short, my playing was HORRIBLE!!!!!!
Before the actual playing, Samantha, GM, Gladys and Alvin were there to just see how I was playing. [Note to Sam & Alvin: I know you guys had good intentions and I REALLY appreciate that(no sarcasm here).] Alvin was like: Don't keep playing the arpeggios. And I was :"What else do you want me to play?" And Sam was saying," You could try inversions, like this *demonstrates*." And I started freaking out. I know the 2 of them were trying to help, but they made me feel more nervous(NOT YOUR FAULT, ok? It's mine) cos they were both MY age( actually even younger by a couple of months) but they had higher piano grades than me!!!! Plus, they used to play in sunday school!!!!!!!! I was feeling more nervous and lousy cos they play REALLY well and for me...well, I stink.
I mean, I can play pieces and all, but when it comes to playing chords for service, I'm totally clueless and hard to suddenly just play inversions like that. My palms got SUPER sweaty(even worse than piano exams, I was playing in front of my friends & people from CAMY(aka, the people in the worship team. FYI, their playing kicks butts.) My palms were like SOOOOOOOOO sweaty that my fingers kept slipping. I must have made HUNDREDS of mistakes. Ok, I know it's a BIG exaggeration, but that's how I felt about my playing. Horrible till horrible meets no end.
After it was all over, Amanda & Gladys came over. Gladys said I was good, Amanda said she was proud of me, but I told them I didn't think so. Well, after that, instead of cell, Amanda & Nicole(Tan) called us into the room in groups of threes so that they could test our "vocal range". We're gonna be singing for Rhema, you see.
Claire, Xin Een & I were the 2nd group to go in so we ended quite early. And being me, I took off to see my kids again. They were SOOOOOOOO cute. Haha.
Well, stayed with them till all their parents came to pick them up and then I went upstairs to take my things. And the "audition" wasn't over yet. I headed to the Service Hall, put my bags down and went to Cheers. Bought this super nice sweet. It's called Werther's Original. It's a DELICIOUS caramel cream candy. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND to those with a sweet tooth.
And on the way back, I signed up for auditions for my church's Easter Musical. I can't wait for auditions!!!! It's just on this coming Sunday. And I hope I get through!!!!! Haha.
Well, after service, went to my grandma's place. Ate lunch and took a long nap when I wasn't supposed to. (Naughty, naughty girl)
Had dinner and went home. Watched movie.
Then I tried to sleep but for some weird reason, I couldn't.I was hungry. My dad agreed to let us have instand noodles!!!!!Yay me!!! I cooked and yeah, was quite ok.
Anywayz, tired of blogging now. Goodbyes!!!

2009-11-14T13:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, the weather was just GREAT!!!!!!!! It was raining and it was just SOOOOOOOOOOO COLD!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE the rain and cold weather so I was practically over the moon yesterday. But I wish I had an extra set of clothes. Then I would walk to church in the rain, taking my own sweet time...
Ok, back to reality, I obviously couldn't cos I would wind up with a cold without an extra set of clothes. Ironically, I've a GREAT immune system, but I get colds easily. Weird right? So that rules out walking and splashing in the rain, sadly. :'(
As I walked to church, I saw many people walking in the rain without any umbrella or raincoats. So I decided to do a good deed. Haha. I offered to share my umbrella with this lady called Joy. Haha. It's was nice.
Then I saw Sam and I offered my umbrella to her. Then we walked to church together. Saw GM, Heather and Samuel Teo(Van's cousin). GM gave us Hello Panda chocolate biscuits!!!! I'm a TOTAL chocoholic so I was just practically going crazy. So I offered to Sam," Hey Sam, you want some?" And then to Heather. And then to Samuel, so I said, "Hey OTHER Sam, you want some? Then GM started giggling a bit.
After that, the Claires(Wee & Carter) arrived, both totally drenched. FINALLY, the room was open and we could go and practice. I was like freaking out cos The melody was right, but the rhythm thingy was kinda wrong. Thanks a lot, GM, Gladys & Sam!!!!!You guys are AWESOME!!!!!!!You really helped me.
We ended practice 50 minutes late, and my family were hungry and impatient. We went to the nearby food court for dinner. Saw some church people and I also saw Kenneth, but he didn't see me. Haiz, old people...
Went for cell group but Van wasn't there. She's in Australia for her gym competition. And It's like, today. ALL THE BEST, VAN!!!!!
Ok, that's about it. I hope I don't screw up tomorrow.

World Kindness Day

2009-11-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

Hey EVERYONE!!!!!!!!! It's World Kindness Day tomorrow!!!! That's right, World Kindness day is on the 13th of November. So remember to spread some kindness around. As the say, Kindness makes the world go round. Ok, they didn't exactly say that, but you know...

Expiry Dates

2009-11-12T21:52:00.000+08:00

You know how food, soaps and lots of other stuff always have expiry dates. Well, in this society, it seems like people have them too. I'm not talking about death. I'm talking old people being thought of as useless, burdens, blah, blah, blah...
Old people were once young people. They were and still are parents that used to take care of their children, pay for their school fees, clothes, daily neccessities. However, it seems that though the children learn so much, they don't learn this. Fillial piety.
Look at the amount of kids that throw their parents aside, leave them in nursing homes, not give them any allowance or even visit them. Don't they ever realise who were the people that raised them, worked hard to get money to give them a good life, education... But the kids treat them like expired food, trash and they just get rid of them. What has happened to this world?
My dad is always quarreling with my grandma. I wish my dad could just be a bit more understanding and stop quarreling. My grandma after all, is his mother and he should respect her views and opinions of things.
But what can I do? People always treat me as a kid. But then, I WILL do something to change it. I can't keep being a bystander that does nothing.

2009-11-05T18:00:00.001+08:00

It's like no one cares anymore. Hope is gone. No one will bother if I live or die. I try to be a good friend, but did I try too hard? I wished for a lot, but was it too much to ask for?
I wanted friends. But they didn't like me. I changed into someone I hated. But still, they don't care. I regret it.

I'm sorry for changing
I'm sorry it had to be this way
Believe me, it's easier to pretend
But, I won't apologize for who I am

2009-11-03T19:01:00.001+08:00

2009-11-03T18:42:00.001+08:00

I feel like glass. Transparent and invisible. But yet, I feel heavy, like I've got so much to carry. And I have to careful to not fall down all else. I'll just shatter into pieces.

Exam results(2009)

2009-10-28T21:48:00.003+08:00

Enough of the hyper-ing yesterday. Let's get straight down to business. My marks.

Literature = B4
English = B4
Maths = A1
History = A1
Science = A1
Geography = A2
HCL = D7

Literature - I wasn't expecting this. I actually was expecting a B3, my normal mark.
English - TOTALLY could not believe my eyes. But yeah, not that bad.
Maths - I'm glad I got A1, but I was actually expecting a 80 +++
History - Usual mark
Science - TOTALLY DID NOT EXPECT IT!!!!!!!!!! I was a science whiz in primary school. But when I came to Cedar, my science just plopped to like just-passes. And I GOT A1!!!!!!! All that mugging really helps!!!
Geography - So-so. But I wanted an A1
HCL - Let's face it. I don't think I can take HCL next year as much as I want to.

So there. My 1st ever EYEs(EOYs, EYEs, what does it matter?) in Cedar. I hope I'll do better next year. It's my streaming and I REALLY have to buck up.

CONTACTS!!!!!

2009-10-27T21:29:00.001+08:00

I'VE GOT MY CONTACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Feeling REALLY hyper now!!!!!!!!It was like SOOO freaky when I first tried to put contacts. The optician was a bit frustrated with me, I think. I don't blame her, I kept blinking and the lenses TOTALLY couldn't come in. But now, THEY"RE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-26T18:50:00.000+08:00

OHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!OHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M GETTING MY CONTACTS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry people if I seem insane. But I assure you, I am COMPLETELY FINE!!!!! I'm just going hyper because of the fact that I'm getting my contacts tomorrow. I've been wanting contact lenses since...to tell you the truth, I don't even know. It must have been AGES ago.
Well, I don't even really have to remember when I wanted it. But all I actually am processing in my brain is: I'M GETTING MY CONTACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-25T22:02:00.001+08:00

Marie Digby ROCKS!!!!!!!! Love her voice & music!!!!!!
Ok, let's review my wishlist (*cough, cough*):
Fallin' For You - Colbie Caillat's 2nd Album
Kiss & Tell - Selena Gomez's Debut album
Breathing Underwater - Marie Digby's 2nd Album

2009-10-25T21:26:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAIRE & PASTOR RONALD!!!!

2009-10-24T11:11:00.002+08:00

Super nice song!!!! Colbie Caillat ROCKS!!!! Anyone buy me her album?

2009-10-24T10:56:00.000+08:00

Everyone's given up on me. I'm a hopeless case. I'm just like a vacuum cleaner. I suck in all the hope, but hardly do I clear it out and spread it to others. The light at the end of the tunnel? It's the headlights of an oncoming train.
Everyone's stopped trying. What does it matter if I stop as well? It doesn't really matter anymore.

2009-10-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

Exams are over, but life is SOOOOOOOOO not a breeze. Sometimes, I really wished I had jumped.

The World(From How I See It)

2009-10-17T14:55:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking of my kids(read my prologue if you don't understand, I can't be bothered to keep explaining), school, stresses that people face. And suddenly I realised that my kids are the most luckiest people in the world. Actually, little children are the luckiest people in the world. A lot of people think that the richest people in the world like Bill Gates or famous people like Angelina Jolie are extremely lucky to be where they are. But I think it's the children. Wanna know why?

Every week I see my kids like Isabelle, Elijah, Jonathan etc, I notice that they are just so innocent and ignorant(in a good way). I mean, they come to church and all they want to do is play with the toys, eat Cheerios and listen to the teacher tell Bible stories. Then, they meet their parents again to go for lunch. Then probably the go home and play with their toys. There's no stress, no complications, but only a fun, simple life!!!

I recall being a little girl. My Ah Gong would always take me out on his bicycle. Sometimes, we'd go to the market. Sometimes, we'd go White Sands. Sometimes, he'll bring me to the mamak shop at the void deck. Sometimes, I'll just ride his bike and we won't even have a destination. It didn't matter where we went. I just loved being with my Ah Gong.

Then, my life was so carefree. The word "Stress" wasn't even in my vocabulary. The highest amount of "pressure" I got was obeying the "Look carefully when you're crossing the road" & "Don't ever follow any stranger or take their sweets" rule. What about these 'divorces'? I learnt about them on TV, they stayed on TV. I never actually knew in reality, people actually had divorces.

As a tot, the world was just beautiful and perfect. I think this happens to every tot, where your world revolves around play, spending time with your family, going to the playground and play with the swings, playing hide-and-seek with your sisters. That's just about it.

But now, why does the world seem so rotten, dirty and just plain unfair?On one side of the world, people are struggling to climb the coporate ladder. Children just think about what ice-cream flavour they are going to choose to eat after dinner. While at the other side? People are begging for money to eat, children are being sold to be prostitutes!!!! I tell you, this is REALLY happening in Third-World countries. Sometimes, parents even cut off their child's fingers so that people will give them more money.

Why can't there be a balance? Why does money matter so much? Why can't people be less selfish and donate more to the charity? Why does money even have to exist? Can't we all just give willingly. If only money & selfishness never existed. Everyone could get stuff they want and there will be no suffering in the world.

Then, there's stress that people face. Kids are the only people that never get stressed. Exams are over now for me. This morning, when I woke up, strangely, I felt stressed. There aren't any exams but somehow, the stress is still there. I wonder why. Why does stress still inhabit our lives even when we don't have pressure?

I realise not everything is not as perfect as it seems. The "BEAUTIFUL" world I loved has now just become a habitat which I have no feelings for. I guess when you're a kid, you don't actually understand what happens in the world. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to those times. As they say, ignorance is bliss.

The Funeral

2009-10-09T22:06:00.000+08:00

Today, was the day of her funeral. It's was a rather sad thing. Actually, that's an understatement. It was like the MOST miserable day of my life. While we were all there, everyone was crying, even Ah Ma. And one of the complicated things at the funeral I was felt, was that I was compelled to not shed a tear. At funerals, there are always family members that don't cry. Sometimes you think it's because they're not close to the deceased, but thats not true. They are the ones that have to be the 'wall' the other family members can lean on.

Unfortunately, I had to take on that role. They say its hard to let go, but its harder to hold back tears. While everyone was sniffing into their tissues, I had to hold my grandma and just follow the van while trying to keep my eyes as dry as possible. When my friends initially heard about her death, they all ask me if I'm ok. What can I say? That I've been crying profusely and thought of suicide has flashed numerously in my mind? I'm not thinking of suicide anymore, don't worry. I know even if I kill myself, I can't get to Heaven. But I still have to continue my act in front of my family that I'm not at all miserable in the least when all I long to do is just cry it out? I can't tell my friends how much I wish I could die and go Heaven sooner, how that when I die, I want to be buried somewhere near her? That today, when I saw her for the last time, how I wish she could just get out of the coffin? That I wish the person inside the coffin isn't her and she's still living with my maternl grandma, as fit as a fiddle? That she was the one who taught me how to knit? How every week, she would nag about always being the top in class, how a found her a nag then, how I wish she could still be there to do it? That I actually never fully understood EVERYTHING that she was saying? How I never had a real conversation with her? That I'm one of the worst grand-nieces in the world?

Thirteen years have gone by. I haven't cherished these 13 years with her and I REALLY, REALLY regret it. That's just an understatement. I really don't know what am I gonna do on Sunday when I see her empty room and see that she's not there.

A "Clingy" Friend

2009-10-07T17:10:00.000+08:00

It's been two days already. These days, haven't been talking much. Partly due to a slight fever and sore throat, but mostly because of her(see previous post). I like a bit more quiet these days. Not talking about the screams in class, but just my own personal space. You know, people to stop bothering you, all that stuff. I've always liked a quiet recess, or at least a moderate one. These days? My quiet space has been invaded by a friend. Not some BFF, good friend or anything. A friend. A mere aquaintance. That's how I treat her. But she treats me TOTALLY different from that. She treats me like her best friend. During recess, she'll always come and look for me. What's wrong with that? You might ask. Nothing at all actually. Except for the fact that she watches you eat every mouthful of your egg bowl(a japanese meal sold in school). It's so freaky. I mean, can you eat in peace when someone is just staring at you for every second while you're eating? I can't, and I don't understand why she can't go and change into school uniform instead of watching me eat. I SOOOOOOOOOO do NOT want her to be my shadow.
During jogging, she'll wait for me so we can jog together although we're totally different classes. When I'm with her, I feel so compressed. It's as if I have no space to breathe. When we're jogging, she's always RIGHT by my side and she follows my pace. Then she'll tell me how she wants my life, how she doesn't have that many friends(people in her class actually hate her, but of I don't, obviously).
Ok, I sympathise with her, but she has to understand the fact that she practically clings onto people and doesn't give them any breathing space. She's desperate for a best friend in Cedar and somehow, she thinks I'm that "best friend". But I'm not and I won't be until she changes her 'clingy' character. She's a nice person actually but sometimes she forgets that people do not necessarily have the same feelings as her at different times. When I'm tired and she's hyper, she pouts cos I don't talk to her.
She wants to be my best friend but in order to do so, she must let me live my life, maybe her definition of best friend is different from mine. Hers is to be like Siamese twins. Mine, is to get to know each other AND give each other breathing space. She doesn't get that sometimes I like to be alone. She always wants to be surrounded by friends and thus, I'm being squashed by her.

I know you need friends
I don't mind being yours
but you just don't understand:
Friendship is like water
It is abundant, nourishes
But the tighter your hand holds it
The lesser you have left

2009-10-05T21:02:00.000+08:00

Death. It's meaning is that a person has stopped living. Died, dead, in other words, left the world. I always thought I knew the meaning of this word. Well, I was wrong, there is an inner meaning, sadness. My grandaunt passed away peacefully today. She went to Heaven peacefully, and I'm stuck on this earth hurt. I really miss her. I wish I'd spent more time with her and, I just wished I had cherished her more. Ok, I'm starting to get emotional (something I don't want since my mum and sis are around). I REALLY REALLY MISS her. But what can I do? She's gone for good.
I remember she was the one that taught me to knit. She was looking in her room and finally found a pair of knitting needles that were slightly bent. Then she taught me how to knit. I remember I kept forgetting the technique and she got a bit frustrated, nevertheless, I learnt it that day.
I remember how she always asked me how well I did in class. (*Note: I was only 4 years old). So I always said 1st position. And she was saying good girl...
When I got my PSLE mark(top in class), I was ELATED to tell her that I was first. It was just great. And well, no one will be asking what's my position in class anymore.
And what else? She would always talk to me and tell me to study well, obey parents...(you know, that kind of thing) and I actually never fully understood her. We never ever had a REAL conversation. Some kind of grand-niece right? What to do, it's too late to regret anything.
I know that now she is happy in Heaven, but it just hurts everytime I think about her not being here. I wish this was just a terrible dream that would soon be over but, it's not. I've gotta face up to reality.
This year, during oral presentation for English, I talked about cherishing people we loved. Well, I guess I didn't do as I preached.

It's too late. Time can't reverse this.

EOYs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(or EYEs, as they call it in Cedar)

2009-09-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

So yeah, I'll be taking my End-of-Year exams tomorrow. They call it End-Year-Examination in Cedar. but EOYs sound nicer. Lol.
We'll be taking our English papers tomorrow and I'm freaked. Seriously!!!! English is like THE paper EVERYONE in Cedar has to pass. Or else? It's bye-bye Cedar and Hellooooooo Normal Acad. Which makes me extremely freaked, adding on with the fact that I scored 8/25 for the latest comprehension paper we did and I highlighted 7 out of the 15 points we were supposed to find in the passage. My english teacher is too strict and examiners will probably be more lenient, but this fact is not THAT comforting to me.
After that is my Higher Chinese Paper. Now this, is another one I'm freaked out about. My current overall is 45.3 which means D7 and this current overall is 40%.

D7=FAIL!!!!!

I'm relieved by the fact this is 40% only. But I FREAKED that the Higher Chinese Paper I take on Friday will seal my fate. It's either pass or fail. Ok, if I continue doing my long winded speech, you all will probably get too bored to read so I'll do a little equations which at the same time will help my maths.

This, is what I WANT to happen

Get a C5 or higher for HCL paper=Overall pass for HCL=Taking HCL next year=O level 2 points(provided I pass Sec 2&3 HCL)=Going RJC(provided that I do well for O levels)= :)

This, is the disaster I DON'T want

Get C6 or lower for HCL paper=Overall fail in HCL=NOT taking HCL next year=No extra points in O levels=None of the top 5 JCs in Singapore= :(

So you can see, I need not just the pass, but the C5 in the HCL paper. I'm really praying hard for God to help me with these papers. The rest as well, but languages are my main concerns. Then there's literature. I'm SOOOOOOOO not planning on taking it when I'm Sec 3 but I still have to do well for it. Then there's science that I'm worried about, followed by Geography, History & Maths.

Exams are a tough period for everyone. So good luck to all of you!!!!

God Bless,

DeeElleWhy

2009-09-19T18:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired!!!!! For those who don't know(which makes it LOTS of people), I have this HUGE stack of messed-up worksheets under my table and a COLOSSAL disorganised file. Well, because exams are in 2 weeks(*scream*), I have decided to re-organise everything. It took me 2 hours today!!!! And I still have another pile under my table!!!!!!
Ok, but it wasn't so bad. And next time,WAIT !!!!!There's NEVER gonna be a next time. I mean next year, I'll organise everything as I collect the worksheets to avoid accumulating a huge pile of worksheets.
I guess I haven't FULLY adapted to the transition between secondary school and primary school. In secondary school, you're REALLY independent and in primary school, everything is guided throughout the entire 6 years. Oh well, I guess I've learnt my lesson and I'll do better next year.
Now, I'm freaking out about JC!!!!! Ok, gotta go for dinner now, bye!!!

The Gift of Giving

2009-09-17T18:42:00.000+08:00

Giving. It's definition is to transfer possesion of something freely. I used to do that. But these days, it has become an obligation more than out of freewill. Ok,I'm not talking about offering. Because it is He who provides for all of us and it'd be plain selfish to just keep it as if it was your own.
I'm talking about class. I'm not going to name these people so I'll just use letters like X,Y. Often, X will come and ask me for tissue paper. She has runny nose in the morning and I don't mind giving people stuff like tissue paper. But it just irks me that she doesn't even bother to bring her own tissue even though she knows she needs it.
And then, there's Y. She's always asking me this, asking me that and for stuff that we BASICALLY need. Like rulers and stuff. Everytime she asks for it, she'll be like all sweet and stuff like that. But on a usual basis, she's not like that.
I sometimes feel they're too selfish and it's SOOOOOOOOO hard to say no. I mean, we're gonna be in the same class for two years. It's best not to bear grudges in class.
Maybe it's because of them I feel it's so hard to give. Or maybe because I've become more selfish. Due to the harsh reality of the world, the perception that on money talks, this is what happens. So I pray and ask God to help me be less selfish and grow to love those classmates of mine no matter what.

Amanda's House

2009-09-12T15:02:00.000+08:00

Ok, feeling a little bored after mugging so I shall blog. Anywayz, went to Amanda's house yesterday to study. Had lots of fun!!!! Her house is like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO big and her dog Rusty is SOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!! Ok, not like little doggy kinda cute, but big dog kinda cute. Never mind, I shall just say that Rusty is ADORABLE if you don't get my point. Rusty is black in colour and his fur is quite sleek and he's SOOOOOOOOo friendly!!!!!!!!
Xin Een and I went together so the moment we met up with Amanda she brought us to see Rusty. I asked if he was friendly and stuff and she said he was bored cos nobody plays with him. Poor thing. Anyways, he kept licking my and occasionally jumps. Haha. He only understands sit down but then again, he's only a puppy.
Then we just explored the house, studied. Amanda has a HUSE house!!!! There's like 4 storeys(if you include the basement) and her room size is ok-ok. Her room is SUPER-CLUTTERED(she says it's cos she's studying) oh yeah, and there's this broken guitar on the second level.and waited for the others to come. Later on, Charis, Claire & Van came along and they immediately asked to see Rusty. Haha. Xin Een remained in the house while we went down.
Then we had lunch... ...oh, and I spilled spaghetti on my jeans. Clumsy me, like always. So Amanda lent me her FBTs, yeah.

...FAST FORWARD...

Later on Xin Een touched the broken guitar(she didn't know it was broken at all) and Van scared her by saying she spoilt it. Then I pretended I was shocked and I said, OMGOSH, the strings all came off!!! And then Van was telling Xin Een the price of the guitar and then we said we had better tell Amanda. So Xin Een was just standing there as we started walking up and Van said," By the way, Xin Een, can I tell you something? The guitar was already spoilt." It took Xin Een a couple of seconds to digest that and when she did she was like, Eh!!!

Then we celebrated Sam's birthday with Charis' cake. I tell you, Charis makes the MOST DELICIOUS cakes I have EVER tasted!!!!! I wish she had baked more!!! Haha.

Sam made paperweights for us. So sweet right? Then we went to the playground and Van kept trying to take pics of me on the swing. The problem was, when I smiled, she couldn't capture the full thing. When she was able to capture pics, I wasn't smiling. Weird right? She eventually took a video.

Soon, it was time to go. So before I left I went downstairs to take pics of Rusty. Man, I miss Rusty SOOOOOOOOO much!!!!!!!!! Ok, I'm totally obsessed over animals especially dogs so please don't think I have some neurological disorder or anything. So on the way to the MRT station we kepy cam-whoring. I think everyone at the MRT must have thought we were crazy or something. But I don't care. That's me.

2009-09-09T20:28:00.000+08:00

Ok, I was just on MSN, really fuming(see previous post). Then I wrote as my PM:"My parents are the worst people in the world!!!!! Caution: Feeling angry now, chat me at your own risk."

Then, a couple of minutes later...
... ...
...
.

Cheryl Ho says:

helllooo my dear:]

taking a risk :]

Danelle LY says:

haha

well, ur the 1st

Cheryl Ho says:

ohh i see:]

hey hey

erm

ya

dun say your parents are the worst lah

:]

Danelle LY says:

why?

u got worse?

Cheryl Ho says:

wat they do fer you is for you own good:0

;)

Danelle LY says:

oh puh-lease

don't start sounding like them

or Gaomin

or else I'll start calling YOU mummy already

Cheryl Ho says:

i dun care wat you call me lah. as long as you haf the correct mind set:]

Danelle LY says:

lol

Cheryl Ho says:

im taking a risk here rite, so wateva i say is true. or i am courting my own death

Danelle LY says:

but thx, ur always there to cheer me up on MSN

Cheryl Ho says:

but dear princess spare me :]

Danelle LY says:

andu won't die

Cheryl Ho says:

haha

:]

Danelle LY says:

princess?

i'm so honoured!!

haha

Cheryl Ho says:

yep!!

haha

betta now??

Danelle LY says:

yeah

Cheryl Ho says:

:]

hehe

Danelle LY says:

u noe

I have a GREAT nickname 4 u

Cheryl Ho says:

o.o

naggo??

haha

Danelle LY says:

Cheer You Up

maybe i shld buy u tat tee

it suits u LOADS!!!

Cheryl Ho says:

hahah

rly?? HAHAHA

hmmm

Danelle LY says:

yeah

Cheryl Ho says:

but.. hope you change your mindset of you parents:}

Danelle LY says:

see how

Cheryl Ho says:

:]

Cheryl Ho says:

no maatter wat they say they still luv u kay?

Danelle LY says:

yeah, yeah yeah

wadeva, cheryl ah ma

Cheryl Ho says:

good my dear princess

hey

Danelle LY says:

yeah?

Cheryl Ho says:

so tat makes me the ex ex princess:]

or isit ex ex ex?

haha ah ma old le sry

Danelle LY says:

xxxprincess?

o.o

haha

Cheryl Ho says:

hahaha

Danelle LY says:

we're all princesses anyway

God is King and we're his children

so we're princesses!!!

And then some private stuff we talked about, blah, blah, blah

Danelle LY says:

i'm a NERD

Cheryl Ho says:

who says!!!!

dun underestimate yourself:]

and you noe

everyone is made in God's image

so if you are a nerd/meant to be a nerd means it is not bad to be a nerd:]

Danelle LY says:

ok...i get it, ahma

Cheryl Ho says:

goood child

*pat pat*

Danelle LY says:

haha

Cheryl Ho says:

:}

Danelle LY says:

ah ma,u're patting the air

Cheryl Ho says:

OHH MY

Danelle LY says:

u lost ur eyesight liao

Cheryl Ho says:

sry i old. kinda blind

HAHA

Danelle LY says:

haha

Cheryl Ho says:

hmm

wat time you going offline??

Danelle LY says:

dunno

anytime

when i feel that i shld do hmwk

why?

Cheryl Ho says:

oh hahaa coz i doin work nw haha

Danelle LY says:

o.o

am i disturbin u?

Cheryl Ho says:

nope nope

Danelle LY says:

and ahma, shldn't u have retired?

Cheryl Ho says:

i talked to you first remember?

Danelle LY says:

yeah

Cheryl Ho says:

oh yes yes.. but i haf to look after my grand daughter... coz she tinks her parents are very bad..

only if she didnt

hiya..

then i can retire...

Danelle LY says:

lol

Cheryl Ho says:

poor me...

haha

i tok to you on sun or later kay? we all go do work:]

Danelle LY says:

ok

sure

Cheryl Ho says:

remember wat i said key princess?

kay*

Danelle LY says:

yes ah ma

Cheryl Ho says:

haha gd gurl

Ok, so end of conversation.

Thanks to Cheryl LOADS!!!!! You're always there to cheer me up. Love ya loads!!!!!

2009-09-09T19:55:00.000+08:00

Ok,I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry!!!!!!!!!!!!! My parents took this computer I'm using to make pizza delivery and I was fine with it. Really, I was. But after they were done ordering, they closed ALL the windows!!!! All my stuff on was all left unsaved!!!!!!!! And when I was talking to them about it(ok, more like yelling), they said," You should have saved it." Hello!!! It's not my fault that they closed it. THEY should have some sense of responsibility. But of course, like any hateful parent, they don't. And I said, "Why can't you use the other computer?" And my dad said he was doing stuff on it. Well, FYI, SO AM I!!!
And then the pizza arrived and they were all at the table, my mum told me to go there to have dinner. The next moment, I'm telling you, jus like a milli-second after that, my dad said, come on, don't make grandma create a scene. I was minimizing all my stuff and in less then a second they figure i was gonna rebel. Well, if that's what they think, then I'll rebel. I'm not gonna be wrongly accused. If they accuse me of not obeying instructions when I actually am obeying, then I won't obey. Simple as that.
After that, at the the table, I just stuffed my mouth with that single piece of Hawaiian pizza. I couldn't stand sitting at that table anymore. And I'm seriously hungry now. I always eat loads of pizza. Just now, my mum said there's a piece of pizza left. But I'm not gonna eat it. I ate one for dinner and that's ALL of the food that I'm gonna eat.

Parents are just people with plenty of faults. They scold their children for their faults, not knowing that their kids learnt it from them.

09.09.09

2009-09-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

Overall, I had a fun day today. I went to Sentosa to for the luge and skyride first. It was SOOOOOOOOOO fun!!! But the first time I take the skyride in a long while, I'll freak cos I'm a mild acrophobic. Yeah.
After that, we went to the Underwater World. I'm not really a fan of fishes and stuff, so yeah. Only of marine mammals like dolphins. After that, we went to the MegaZip, a newly opened attraction. It was quite scary when they shut the door and we were hanging in the air, but when we were released, we had the time of our life!!! I can't wait to go there again next time.

DESPERATE!!!!

2009-09-08T18:42:00.000+08:00

Ok, I might sound desperate...ALRIGHT!!!! I'll say it. I AM desperate. So far no one has emailed in an order form to order any earrings and I'm scared. I'm scared that this blogshop business will fail. I've been doing some serious praying but I know that sometimes God says "no". So yeah. But I really want this blogshop to thrive, to make money and yeah, just so worried.

My Blogshop

2009-09-07T18:41:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone, there's something I HAVE to tell you all about. It's...(drumroll please)...MY BLOGSHOP!!!!!!
Ok, we're currently selling handmade earrings made by me and soon we'll be adding other stuff. So please support it!!! http://www.sugarspiceandchilli.blogspot.com/
Visiting it won't kill you right? So go NOW!!!! We're having promotions!!!

I'M GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-04T20:23:00.000+08:00

DanelleLY is under cold turkey and suffering like crazy because she hasn't had her Special K.

True: I'm under cold turkey and suffering like crazy.
False: I am NOT on Special K. For goodness sake, I'm not even on drugs!!!!!

I haven't had McDonalds Shaker Fries in 8 days!!!!!!!!!! I'm going crazy!!!!!!! After school today, I went to McDonalds to buy their special, and my oh-so-loved shaker fries, only to find out that they changed the menu. AGAIN!!!!! It was like the other time I went to buy Cinnamon Melts only to find it taken off the menu.
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't they keep it on as something permanent!!!!! I hope it comes back again, and SOON!!!!!!! Currently, they have some Big Mac promotion and I'm gonna eat less beef cos I found out in Geography today that a cow's stomach contains methane. And a cow has FOUR stomachs. And so, if there's higher demand for beef, more cows will be reared, leading to the amount of methane in the world to get higher and higher, hence causing further damage to ozone layer and soon, THE WORLD WILL DIE!!!!!!!
Ok, you can tell I'm going crazy already. AHHHHH, SHAKER FRIES!!!!!!!!! I'll have to get addicted over something else that doesn't get kicked off the menu.
Till then, please bear with me as I get crazier and crazier, day by day. And I haunt you in your sleep and make you have the worst...(DanelleLY is currently being dragged away before she continues with her extremely fake threats and does something disastrous to the computer which will lead to something EVEN MORE disastrous...)

2009-09-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Ok...So the tutor wasn't as fierce as I imagined. I left out the part my seniors said that she can be extremely nice or extremely fierce. She was in a good mood today, so she was extremely nice. And she told us lots of stories and yeah, band was quite fun today.
After band, went for Chinese tuition. We did work and all the boring stuff. Then us girls played truth or dare. And Nat told us about the sick dares they did in her school. So sick that I'm not gonna post what they are.
Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!!! Too bad there isn't any cell so I can't see Van. Oh well, it's the last day of school tomorrow and I've gotta bring back all my files for EYE.

Holidays are coming...Let the mugging begin

Just another Band prac

2009-09-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

Had Band practice today. Today, the Sec Ones were late cos we all had this leadership training, so yeah. So after we ate, Yu Ling & I went off to one of the classrooms to find them. Priscilla, my ASL(assistant section leader), cut her hair short!!! She looks SOOOOOOO
CUTE!!!!! Ok, to irritate her I shall keep saying it: Priscilla is CUTE Priscilla is CUTE Priscilla is CUTE Priscilla is CUTE Priscilla is CUTE Priscilla is CUTE!!! Haha. But she seriously is and she doesn't think so. Or at least she DOESN'T want to think so. She was telling me,"I'm Sec 3!!! I don't want to be cute!!!" She reminds me of Meimei!!!SO CUTE!!!!Ok, I should stop using the word cute now, yeah, full stop.
Then later on we somehow talked about blogs and Anupa's some "like OMG..." I don't know what, Jemima's," a thousand years" don't know what. Priscilla, on the other hand, has NO facebook or blog. She's says she's too lazy to have it. I have to face it, my seniors are weird, no offence. Haha.
There's gonna be band training tomorrow and our tutor's coming. My seniors say she's worse than Ms Seah!!!!! Ms Seah is the head conductor and she's really fierce to our section and our whole section is terrified of her. To have someone worse than her? Ok, I'll need to fall sick tomorrow or just die(joking!!!).
Well, I'm pretty freaked out about tomorrow and...OMGOSH!!!!! I've got an English test tomorrow. Gotta study now!!!

2009-08-31T23:17:00.001+08:00

Had a SUPER FUN day today!!! School was a little boring. Well, it's better than stressful, so yeah. Then after school, I rushed off to TM to meet Rae. School ended later than expected so I was rushing like crazy. Met Rae in TM, had lunch with her. Ok, not exactly with her. She's fasting, you see. I was telling her to go if she wanted, cos she didn't eat from early in the morning but she was ok with it. After lunch, bought a couple of presents for our P1-P4 teachers. Then we went to buy flowers. The 1st shop we went to charged $3.50!!! The second one charged $3, so obviously we bought the cheaper ones.
After that, we headed to GSPS. Met the teachers there and spent an hour plus there. I met so many people and my gosh, they've changed so much!!! Jolene is letting her hair grow and, she's not like the tallest among everyone!!! I'm reaching her height!!!Haha. Amanda Lau cut her hair and now wears spectacles. Wei Ling let her hair grow. OMGOSH!!!!! just SOOOOOOO many changes and I missed them all!!! I was looking for Karina, but she wasn't there. So after spending like an hour in GSPS, Rae & I were tired so we left. And just as I crossed the road, guess who was crossing the opposite direction? KARINA!!!!! It's a pity we couldn't chat, yeah. I can't wait for the next time when GSPS alumni will go back. It'll be just as good, or even better!!!

Imperfections

2009-08-29T13:08:00.000+08:00

Imperfections. Everyone has them, so why do we want everything to be perfect?Why do we always go for the "perfect" stuff? God made us to be how we are now,we shouldn't try change it. To err is human and last time I checked, we're all human. But recently, I've been a bit frustrated and angry with the people around me.
My kids that I love. I love them all equally and NOTHIN will change that fact. But during Grace Family Day, Apple & Rachel's families were in the same cabin as us on the Flyer. Han & Wen both kept playing with Apple but not with Rachel. Reason being? Apple seems to be cuter than Rachel, who has Down Syndrome. So while they were crowding around Apple, I took care of Rachel. Both of them are really great kids, but not everyone seems to know that. People tend to play with the "normal" kids. What's wrong with Rachel? NOTHING!!!
This couple of weeks, Van keeps asking whether I've reached church yet. She says she wants to help out with the kids. But actually, she only wants to play with Zerlynn, a new girl. She and Claire come in and only play with her the moment she's there while I have to take care of like, Nissi, Isabelle & Jonathan when I there. Van & Claire don't help out entirely, they only play with the "cute" one, which for now, is Zerlynn. Haven't they noticed the other kids there? Ethan, the vocal one who loves animals. Nissi, the "class monitress" who can talk quite a bit and is very active. Jonathan, the more "violent" one that loves trains & cars?...etc.etc. there are lots more kids there.
Van was never so enthusiastic about playing with toddlers until Zerlynn came. If Zerlynn never came, would she keep wanting to help out, I wish she didn't come for Zerlynn. I wish she came for the same reason as mine, a passion for kids. ALL kids.
When people buy pets, they don't look for those that are injured or hurt. They want the "perfect" pets. When animals grow old and aren't "cute" anymore, sometimes they get abandoned. Old dogs are hardly adopted cos they aren't "cute" as I said before.
No one's perfect, and we should love each other equally no matter what.